Audience of One is the weblog of Matthew Weston, a UK student, Christian, technophile and musician.

A fine line

There’s a fine line between spilling your heart out to someone and keeping silent.

That’s not to say that there isn’t an in-between level where you can tell someone something but not the whole story; more that when it comes to telling someone something there can often be a fine line between not telling them anything and telling them everything. Does that make sense?

The issue is complicated when the audience is unknown. In the past I was extremely candid on my blog – I said pretty much everything I was thinking some of the time, and it all came out in a boring, angsty kind of way that served as catharsis to me and a waste of time to everyone else.

When I started this site, I knew it was going to be different. Firstly, it wouldn’t be just a “diary” as such. My last blog started off as one (though not quite to the “this morning I ate three Weetabix and a fried banana” level of detail) and wasn’t particularly interesting to the wider audience. Secondly, it wasn’t going to go completely the route of the pundit blog. It was going to be a mix.

Part of the mix was supposed to be this: as a Christian, I would write about things that challenge me as a Christian.

Of course, I can’t do this completely candidly. And here lies the problem. There appears to be a fine line between saying nothing (and not writing about these kind of things) and saying absolutely everything (obviously not ideal for me).

This is slightly different to what I was saying earlier, in that I could only explain pieces and not the whole thing. I don’t necessarily have to go the whole way. But I find it hard, once I start writing, to stop. I find it hard to know exactly how much I should say before I’ve said too much. I like opening up, and on a medium where you don’t get an immediate response from the readers (unlike telling someone in person) you can be tempted to write a lot of things you could well later regret writing.

This may not make much sense. I’m not sure. What I’m trying to say is that I’m still going to try and write about the challenges I face. I’ve just discovered that it’s going to be harder than I’d imagined.

(For those of you who can’t quite tie what I was saying in generalisations at the beginning with what I’m saying in specifics at the end, well done – you’ve discovered that they’re not completely linked and that the first two paragraphs are actually about something completely different…)

Matthew @ 14:30, March 30, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't watch much TV, but...

Saturday night brought the new series of Doctor Who to the BBC, a program that I never really got into when it was on before seeing as I hadn’t been born yet, but nevertheless had heard all about from my mum (who had been addicted as a child). I really enjoyed it but quickly realised you couldn’t take it too seriously. Best one-liner? The Doctor, while speed-reading Rose’s Hello magazine, says: “Oh, that won’t work out – he’s gay and she’s an alien”. I look forward to the next episode.

This evening the new series of Hustle starts, just when I was getting impatient waiting for the DVD of Series One to come out. Last time Hustle was on it invaded my dreams regularly (the most amusing one being when I dreamt I was conning people into believing I was a gay accountant…), so I know what to expect this time. I’ve been watching Jamie Oliver’s School Dinners recently as well, and almost woke up late this morning because I had to stay in the dream until my potatoes were fully roasted. As long as I don’t end up dreaming of animated shop dummies I’ll be happy.

Matthew @ 14:29, March 29, 2005 to Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (4)

The answer

…and a day later than I’d planned on revealing the answer to when this passage was written (which Verity rightly guessed), I’ll let everyone know that it was before the birth of Jesus, in fact 700-odd years before (thanks John). I’ve been a Christian for quite some time, and I’ve known all about Old Testament prophecy predicting Jesus’ life and death but I didn’t realise quite how obvious it really was. I suppose seeing as Jesus says it’s obvious I ought to have realised.

Happy Easter everyone!

Matthew @ 20:43, March 28, 2005 to Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (0)

Rhinoceros

A local theatre group recently put on a performance of the play Rhinoceros, which looked highly amusing when I read about it a few months ago so I decided to go and see it. Then I forgot about it because of the pressure of coursework, until I discovered two weeks ago that Xanna was in it. By this time I almost didn’t have the money, so while I emerged broke from the performance, I didn’t mind.

The play is about a town where, as the story progresses, more and more people develop ‘rhinoceritis’ and turn into rhinoceroses. The first time I said this to someone, they thought this was some kind of ridiculous kids’ play. Far from it. One reading of the play (the most obvious I’d think) is that rhinoceritis symbolises conformity – as more and more people become rhinos, the greater the urge is for others to follow and conform. The main character, Beringer, resists until the end, and in the production I saw it’s left ambiguous whether he turns into a rhino himself or not. It’s a very clever metaphor though.

One of the things I loved about this production was that the actors playing particular roles swapped throughout the play. For example, the four people it turned out I knew in the production (another SAYGO friend Jo as well as two others I recognised) played Beringer at some point, as well as quite a few other characters. The costumes they all wore made this work perfectly, and there was only one point when I was confused as to who was who (and figured it out as soon as this particular Beringer spoke). The rhino costumes were also great, and you had an opportunity to enter a draw to win a set of rhino horns, feet and tail. (I’d have so entered if I’d had a pen…)

Another thing I loved about this production was the way that, even before people turned into rhinoceroses there was a clear sense of them being part of a crowd, with no individuality. The whole cast would get together on stage as a rhinoceros passed by (portrayed by grunting and snorting through the speakers) and point – as a group – at it running past. They’d then immediately (as the lights changed) come together and become a single rhinoceros themselves, drawing parallels between the group and the conformity of the rhinoceros.

Recently I’ve been noticing more and more things in films and TV programmes that could be used as visual aids in talks. It’s a pity they didn’t film it – I’d have bought a copy and used it in the future :)

Matthew @ 10:21, March 26, 2005 to Reviews | Permalink | Comments (0)

Good Friday

I have a question for everyone. When was this following passage written?

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away. And who can speak of his descendants? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand. After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities. Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Was this written before or after Jesus? How long before/after? (And anyone who says parts of it were written by Handel has a good knowledge of music but a poor knowledge of Handel himself :).)

Matthew @ 19:28, March 25, 2005 to Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (3)

My friend Martin

With apologies for continuously writing about my friends, I bring you word of Martin Halstead, a former member of my tribe (read “church small group”). To quote from the article:

His feet are on the ground but his ambition is sky high. Our correspondent meets Martin Halstead, the entrepreneur who has just launched Britain’s latest passenger airline… at the of age of 18.

And a bit later on:

So this week, while Jamie proved that 29-year-old chefs know more about kids’ nutrition than the nanny state, an 18-year-old called Martin Halstead launched an airline. From April 18 there will be two flights a day between Oxford and Cambridge, which, as academics and business people know, happen to be only 65 miles (105km) apart, but are separated by 118 miles of road and an even sillier train journey that goes through London. So for £49 a journey that takes between two-and-a-half and four hours will be possible in 18 minutes’ flying time, or 70 minutes when you add in a free shuttle service that deposits passengers in the city centres.

Congratulations Martin! Finally, the secret project that everyone seems to have known about has emerged. It’s been reported by the BBC, the Telegraph and the Times, and now this blog. Good on ya, mate. Now, if I want to visit Cambridge do I get mates’ rates?

Matthew @ 18:51, March 24, 2005 to News | Permalink | Comments (15)

Don't ever be a sound technician

Maybe the training process of all jobs as tiring, often boring and mostly nothing like the real experience of doing the job. Hopefully this is the case with being a recording technician as I spent about three hours in the studio yesterday recording a drum kit and double bass. It looks simple. Set up the microphones, make sure they don’t distort when you play them loudly, and press record. It’s not.

From my rather stressful session yesterday, I’ve learnt quite a lot, and hopefully in the future recording will get easier and easier. It’d better – I plan to do a lot of it at university. There was just problem after problem yesterday. The headphone levels were too loud; then they were too quiet; then the balance was wrong. Finally we got it about right, except that the level in the studio was appalling as a result and so I couldn’t play in time. Then I hurt my hand and couldn’t play any more – I spent the rest of the evening calling out section changes into a tiny talkback mic.

Then it was done! Or rather, we all came into the studio having done the first full take without technical problems, only to find we’d had musical problems. So we did it again. And again.

Finally, we got a take that was good. I’ll see when I come back to it next whether it was any good, or just our music-saturated ears and fatigued bodies telling us we wanted to go home. So home we did – via Charlie’s house to give him back the snare drum we’d borrowed. I got home from school at around twenty past seven, my almost full day of lessons having ended over four hours before.

Then I had to get up this morning to tidy the studio before anyone else needed to use it.

You can see why I might be slightly pessimistic about a sound technician’s life. I think doing it with your own equipment without a deadline looming and an arrangement you haven’t just made up the day previously might help though.

Matthew @ 14:24, March 23, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

DJ PJ needs your help!

…I say this, but he doesn’t necessarily need your help specifically. My friend Pete, until recently regular DJ of Sheffield University student radio (it’s now the holidays so he’s taking a break) is asking around for ideas for a new radio show “gimmick” (my word, not his – I can’t think of anything else to call it). This is your chance! Can you rival the formidable “Living La Lyrics Loca” (in which Pete and co-host Adam have to guess famous songs by their lyrics)? Will your radio show idea be used by DJ PJ himself? (I didn’t mean to start calling him this but after Xanna coined it it kind of stuck…) Any ideas posted in the comments will make their way to Pete himself, with full credit for the idea attached of course. Any royalities (minus my fee) will be sure to come your way, if Sure Radio ever makes any money…

Matthew @ 19:50, March 21, 2005 to Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (3)

C is for Christian

It’s an obvious choice for the letter C, but I’ve already written about what I believe elsewhere on this site. To do something different, this entry will have to take a different slant, so I thought I’d go into more detail about what Christians are and what Christians aren’t.

Firstly, being British doesn’t make you a Christian. People claim that the UK is a Christian country, and so if you’re British you’re nominally Christian. It’s a load of rubbish. A lot of emphasis is placed in the Bible on it being an individual’s choice to become a Christian. To be a Christian you must accept that you’ve messed up and that Christ’s death for you cleanses you from all wrongdoing, then commit your life to him. Those who haven’t done all of the above cannot rightly call themselves Christians.

Secondly, Christians are not homophobic, sexist or warmongers. You will get those who call themselves Christians (and may well be – only God knows what’s in their hearts) who are homophobic, or violent, or misogynistic, or many terrible things. They might even claim that it comes from their faith. They are wrong. The Bible is clear that we should love one another (which includes homosexuals); it’s clear that we should not be violent (and I won’t get into the just war debate); it’s also clear that everyone is equal (Gal 3:28). This doesn’t mean that it’s okay to be a practising homosexual (just as it’s not okay to be a practising adulterer), or that men and women have exactly the same roles (it’s clear from the Bible we were created to complement each other rather than mimic each other), but that showing any kind of hatred, dislike or differing attitude based on gender or sexual orientation is unbiblical and hence not Christian.

Thirdly, Christians are sinners. A common misconception (and one unfortunately reinforced by Christians) is that Christians are all perfect and we look down on those who aren’t. This is also unbiblical: we’re reminded frequently in the Bible that we are all sinners. Christians are just as likely to sin as others, but often the Christians are the ones noticeably doing something about it – hence the misconceptions.

Finally, Christians are divided. There are many different denominations, none of which I feel I belong to. Different denominations often have different styles of meetings, difference emphases on different things and are sometimes plain wrong. Then within the denominations you have different groups again, such as the traditionalists, evangelicals or liberals. It gets confusing, but you often can’t assume that people are true Christians, even if they go to church (or lead a church). Some whole churches can be completely dead. Often churches are filled with non-Christians who just don’t understand what it means to be a Christian and so think they are one.

I’m a Christian. I’m not homophobic, sexist or violent, but I am a sinner – I mess up all the time. I’m a Christian because I choose to be, not because I was born that way. (I’m also a Christian because God chose me to be, but that’s another matter.) I’m not a Baptist, an Anglican or a Methodist. I’m a Christian.

Matthew @ 22:14, March 19, 2005 to ABC | Permalink | Comments (11)

The Acid2 Test

Hakon Lie, the CTO of Opera Software ASA, has just posted an article about a test suite (Acid2) to ensure that Microsoft’s IE7 meets the CSS 2.1 standard.

Let’s hope it’s effective.

Matthew @ 17:11, March 19, 2005 to Geek | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Talent Show

Last night was my school’s talent show: an annual event with supposedly the elite of school talent. Generally there’s a few good acts along with some pretty poor ones – this year was probably better than normal.

As ever the organisation was varied. In charge (under the authority of the legendary Dr Ryan), Natalie delegated well and took responsibility for some things herself. On the whole, those delegated tasks were just as organised as Natalie, with some exceptions. Somehow the main sound engineer forgot that the keyboard needed power (meaning that we had a dead weight of a keyboard until about an hour after our supposed sound check), as well as forgetting that two acts were in fact using the real piano and needed a microphone next to it. Oh, and he hadn’t realised that he wasn’t actually going to be able to make it for the first two hours (the half with all the South Site acts). So at around three in the afternoon I was asked to do the sound for the first half – something which subsequently ate into all our rehearsal times that afternoon as I was constantly “needed” in the hall to answer questions I didn’t know the answer to. (The main sound engineer couldn’t bothered to admit that it was actually his responsibility.)

Then Dave (the sound engineer) suddenly left with half the sound checks left to go. I realised that any chance of me going home for food had left and sat down for the long haul.

The South Site acts weren’t bad. Actually, that’s a lie. Some of them were, but they weren’t excrutiatingly bad and that made the difference. One girl (probably the smallest person from any of the acts) did, however, manage to make the microphone level go into the red (the only person that evening to manage it) by screaming as loudly and as incoherently as she could manage sporadically throughout the act. One girl played and sung a song of her own composition (and won the first prize for South Siters). One guy read out a poem he’d written about the Buckingham Palace chef (he won the prize for “Best ‘different’ act” or something along those lines).

An hour and a half later I was tasked with providing music for the interval between the South and North Site acts. Half an hour of 80s and 70s hits later (from Madness to Huey Lewis), the North Site half started.

We had the usual dominance of bands, playing songs ranging from Muse to Elvis Presley (and ranging in proficiency from excellent to appalling). Our band came on second last, playing “Get Happy” (which has grown on me, but only a little), which apparently sounded fantastic (not quite sure how…). We were followed by a band playing “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by The Darkness, a great song torn to pieces by the fact that almost no-one can sing as high as Justin Hawkins and sound good. We then returned to the stage to provide music while the judges conferred.

We ended up coming third, one place behind a band who should have got disqualified for playing for too long, and two places behind a similar act who just happened to do something more popular and upbeat (more crowd- and judge-pleasing). Actually, they did deserve to win in my opinion, because as I’ve constantly said we should have played something better :)

Music Tech Monday morning’s going to be fun – we’re going to be rewiring the entire recording studio which Dave gutted to provide the sound equipment for the hall. We’d better have it finished that day – I’ve got to do a recording session that afternoon…

Currently listening to The Polyphonic Spree – Ensure Your Reservation

Matthew @ 15:31, March 19, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Brain

Today I attended a lecture by Professor Susan Greenfield of Oxford University, who happens to also be a Baroness and head of the Royal Institution. Rather an illustrious personage, really – she’s one of the leading researchers in the world on Alzheimer’s disease, and was here to talk to us about the brain.

Now, I’m not a biologist so I wasn’t quite sure why exactly I was going along to this lecture when I had plenty of work to be getting on with. I soon found out that it was worth it though. Professor Greenfield is a very engaging speaker, and as she reminded us near the beginning of the lecture, not all scientists are middle-aged white men with beards. (She didn’t mention beards, but I’m including it in the stereotype anyway.)

The talk was based around what makes the human brain special and unique. (Of course I know why it’s unique, but the science of how is of course interesting.) We worked top-down looking at different sections of the brain, and bottom-up looking at neurons. I learnt quite a lot, but the interesting thing was to do with what drugs actually do to the brain: it seems brain-drugs don’t just change our outlook or mood temporarily but their residue always leaves a mark. (This isn’t just the case with cannabis or ecstacy but with prozac and other prescription drugs as well.) The drugs mimic our natural brain-chemicals (for want of a better word), but instead of breaking down after sending a message they hang around. So people’s personalities can actually change – and even if cannabis smokers then stop after using it heavily, it can permanently affect their memory and/or reaction times. Scary stuff for any drug users in the audience (as I’m sure there were – nicotine counts).

It feels like quite a privilege really, having such a well-known figure come to give a talk to you and your peers. We’ve done quite well really – had Wendy Woods, the wife of Donald Woods last year, as well as a guy who’d made it to the North Pole with quite a public expedition. No Radiohead members though. Ah well.

So yeah, good talk, interesting speaker, almost wish I was doing Biology. I always say that though – I guess I just find almost everything too interesting.

Matthew @ 19:36, March 16, 2005 to Science/Nature | Permalink | Comments (9)

And with the flair that comes of a distinct lack of interest...

Today, four days before the school talent show (which my band enters by tradition even though we get disqualified every year) we started rehearsing our entry. As of ten minutes ago we still haven’t decided exactly what we’re doing. The general consensus appears to be an annoying song called “Get Happy” that I’ve never heard of let alone played, which we don’t even have a recording of.

Generally we do something useful in rehearsals, so rather than break with tradition I decided to write a blog entry so that this hour wouldn’t be a complete waste of time. Aah, the life of a musician.

Matthew @ 15:39, March 15, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

Striking another blow for apathy...

Too lazy to come up with a full entry, here’s a collection of semi-entries:

Matthew @ 17:25, March 14, 2005 to Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (2)

OOP in action

Object-oriented programming is the latest on my list of Things to Learn, and so I’ve been teaching myself (with a lot of help from an intelligent brother who knows it all already) to do OOP. At the start of my education I’d heard of it, had a vague idea of what it was, and hadn’t the first idea why it could be useful. I’ve now been learning it for two or three weeks, and I’m very annoyed that PHP 4 doesn’t fully support it (this server runs PHP 4). This morning I set out to write a script for this site using my new-found knowledge and discovered I had to rewrite everything to get it to work on this server (my own localhost server uses PHP 5). Still, it’s all done now: have a look at the countdowns page.

Matthew @ 14:09, March 13, 2005 to Geek | Permalink | Comments (0)

A Streetcar Named Desire

Last week for my dad’s birthday our family went out for a meal, before going onto see a play.

It was a slight surprise for me, seeing as we’d already been to see a show very recently and we never go to see stuff as a family. It was also a slight surprise for me because I’d read about the exact same play we were going to see in the newspaper the day before. It was an Oxford University students’ production of the Tennessee Williams play, A Streetcar Named Desire, whose director had been sacked as drama editor of the student newspaper due to running a review of the play. (The whole editorial team resigned in support of him – I have no idea what happened after that.)

The play is a fantastic one, and this production was also. The actors were incredibly good, to the extent that when they came back on for the second curtain call at the end some of them were still very much in character. My one problem is that I’d seen a Springfield musical version of it on The Simpsons and so when Blanche approached the paper boy to kiss him I was singing to myself in Apu’s voice “Will this bewitching floozy // Seduce this humble newsy?”. I was impressed that Marge Simpson actually had some of Blanche’s real lines from the play.

Maybe it’s an expense thing, but going to the cinema is now so commonplace – and of course once you’ve seen a film there, you can rent it again later. Going to see a play is more expensive. Is it more fun? Possibly. It’s certainly more of an “experience”, whatever that means. Maybe it’s because the people are real and standing there in front of you instead of just being pictures on a screen. (Of course film actors are real too. You get the point though.)

Seeing plays makes me want to act. Seeing films makes me want to direct. Seeing (in my mind) the results of both of these in a public performance make me want to shiver – I’m thinking I should just stick to music.

Matthew @ 11:47, March 12, 2005 to Reviews | Permalink | Comments (2)

IE 7

Just to add my voice to the many, Internet Explorer version 7 is going to be released soonish. Whether or not this is a good thing remains to be seen. If IE7 fixes the many, many issues it has with CSS and XHTML (see the about design page for more information) then it’s a good thing, as a lot of IE users will upgrade to it. If it ignores the rendering problems and concentrates on security (as I expect) it’s a bad thing. Suddenly, Internet Explorer is a lot securer (we’d assume), and there goes part of the argument for installing Firefox or Opera – the part most people understand. You try and convince someone to change their browser because it has tabs or some other feature and you often hit a brick wall. You try and convince them because their browser is letting in spyware, slowing their system down and potentially allowing hackers to steal their credit card details and you get a lot further.

Even worse would be a security-enhanced IE7 that fixes some CSS parsing bugs. For those of you who don’t understand these things, it’s a bit like driving. If you had a narrow, country road that would be destroyed by a really heavy car, it’s okay because the really heavy cars can’t fit through the gap to get onto the road because they’re so wide. Imagine if the car manufacturer made the car thinner. Suddenly, this really heavy car would be able to get onto the beautiful country road. It’s like that with CSS – web designers can block Internet Explorer from the nicest parts of the code because IE can’t cope with them. What happens if IE can suddenly get around the blocks but still not cope with the complex code?

This was only supposed to be a brief entry, so I’ll shut up now with an encouragement to get Firefox and browse happy – please.

Matthew @ 11:09, March 12, 2005 to Geek | Permalink | Comments (0)

My first A level

Yesterday I received notification that I’d got an A in my General Studies A level.

It’s encouraging to know that, now I have this A level, I could get into Bangor University with just a B in Music. Of course, the fact that I could get there with just a single B means that I don’t want to – I need some sort of challenge to make me think going there is worthwhile.

Whatever. I have an A level! It’s almost completely useless, but at least it’s almost completely useless and an A grade.

Matthew @ 10:58, March 11, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

Science and faith in the news

Charles Townes, the man who didn’t quite invent the laser legally even if he did technically, was awarded the Templeton Prize recently. Just one example of what I keep on saying to people: being a Christian doesn’t mean you can’t be a scientist. The evolution debate has often encouraged people in this belief. I’d just ask them to look back previous to that debate, where the Christian faith of scientists including Isaac Newton drove their investigative endeavours. They believed God was amazing, and had made an amazing world. They studied his creation. Science grew out of faith. They’re not incompatible, in fact they’re complementary and self-referential. (Just look at quantum physics for an example of the latter…)

Matthew @ 07:52, March 10, 2005 to News | Permalink | Comments (8)

A thinking man's disco

Last Friday I went to a barn dance organised (supposedly) by me and some other people. In reality I hadn’t helped organise it; I was just part of the group of people who were asked to help.

Xanna, a good friend of mine from church, enlisted most of the SAYGO leadership training team to help out at this barn dance – a fundraising event for World Vision. The evening was a success enjoyment-wise, but I think (as is often the problem with these events) we didn’t raise quite as much money as was hoped.

I’d gone down to church in the afternoon to help clear the chairs from the dance floor (read “main church area”), and of course get in some Playstation as well (since the PS2 arrived in the youth office I’ve been staring at a TV screen too often). Once the chairs were cleared the only real thing left to be done involved the food – something adequately handled by others, leaving me and Chris to our own game-related devices. As doormen, however, we soon had to set up our table and money box and prepare to let in guests.

I had a cunning plan for the evening, which ran as follows: as doormen were needed throughout the evening, and as Chris is an entertaining companion for such an enterprise, I could legitimately stay on the door for the whole evening and have a great time – thus avoiding all dancing and enjoy myself nonetheless. This cunning plan was foiled – but onto that later.

Chris and I were given some paper to write down a tally of numbers – in fact, far too much for such a simple task. As a consequence, we decided to play Squares – something which kept us and a number of younger non-dancers occupied for two hours or so. They tried to give us both advice (“Go there! You get three squares!”) which was countered effectively (“Shut up! It’s not my go!” or “Yes, but I can get five by going here…”) or not-so-effectively (“Ah yes, I didn’t see that. Thankyou…”) for the duration of the game.

It was around this point (after we’d both eaten and had started on a game of Squares: Evolution, involving any line length and any type or size of quadrilateral) that I realised my cunning plan was less cunning than I’d thought. The fact was, after sitting still next to the door for two hours, I was absolutely freezing. (It happens.)

I made a decision. I took a break and went inside briefly, giving my post to Jonny.

Now, I’m the type of person who loves being with people. As soon as I went inside I saw all the people who I’d let in, a lot of whom were good friends. I suddenly found myself unable to return to Chris and Jonny, people I see almost every day. Here were some of my favourite people in the world – I had to stay, and stay I did.

Of course, they were all involved with the dancing.

Now, I’ve never been a dancer. I once paid to go to a disco (aged thirteen) just because everyone else was, and sat at the side doing nothing for the entire evening. To me, dancing is just moving around randomly, almost in time with the music, making yourself look like a fool. Or rather, everyone else seems to be able to look good, but that ability seems to be absent from my part of the gene pool. Of course, dancing isn’t just to popular music – and this was the root of my misconception. Growing up believing dancing is either ballroom-style (only attemptable by those who have learnt how – not worth the effort) or disco-style (jerking around in a way as unnatural to my limbs as the the Night Fever dance would be to a chicken), actually taking part in barn dancing was something new. You didn’t have to be good to take part – in fact, it was assumed you’d never done it before. Quite helpful in my case, then.

Joining the dancing later meant that I didn’t get so much of a chance to get into it, but I loved what I did take part in. I was so inspired by my experience I went home and wrote a Wikipedia article on it.

Barn dances, far from being the domain of older people, are a fun social activity for people of all ages, including normally self-conscious teens. Maybe it was partly from it being in a Christian environment (though there were quite a few non-Christians present) that made it seem so forgiving of error, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the way these things are. Whatever the case, it was fantastic and I’m looking forward to the next opportunity I have to take part in one. I’d say though that it’s a lot more fun if you know some of the people there. While I mainly danced with a girl I’d never met before called Hannah, it was because we were both part of a group of people we knew (she knew my other two partners that evening, Alice and Jo, from school).

Chris was probably a bit annoyed with me. Not only did I leave halfway through a game of squares, he thought he’d found a strict non-dancer in me. I hated to disappoint him, but I discovered that (for some types of it at least) dancing can be fun.

Matthew @ 19:59, March 9, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (2)

iPod Shuffle

I recently bought an iPod Shuffle for many reasons, but mainly because my CD player had broken and I wanted a way of listening to music while away from the house. My memory stick had also broken (or rather, it doesn’t work at school so it might as well be – I still haven’t tested it elsewhere) and I wanted a replacement. When the iPod Shuffle was announced, I realised I could kill two birds with one stone – so I did.

The Shuffle is everything Apple advertises it as. It’s small and lightweight, and its battery life is actually quite impressive (I still haven’t had to charge mine a second time and I’ve been using it for almost three weeks constantly). It doubles as a memory stick that works perfectly, and of course it interfaces with iTunes, the discerning user’s media player.

There isn’t much to be said that hasn’t been said elsewhere other than it almost perfectly fits my needs. The Shuffle doesn’t have a screen, something which would have been quite useful, but for the most part I don’t need one. The only issue is when you have ten or so albums stored on it and you want to find a particular song… you have to do a lot of skipping, especially if you can’t remember which order your albums are in.

Current iPod owners might be interested in having it as a flash-memory alternative (for use while at the gym or something, where a hard-disk-based player might not be ideal) as it will use their current music library. If you use iTunes and AAC compression then you probably won’t find much better. If you don’t use AAC though, there are many other portable players which will probably do you just as well.

The iPod and iPod mini are both examples of innovative technology; but while the iPod Shuffle looks stylish, the innovation is slightly lacking.

Matthew @ 16:05, March 8, 2005 to Reviews | Permalink | Comments (4)

In brief

Matthew @ 22:05, March 7, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

B is for British

Different people use the word “British” in different ways. It can describe a way of life; it can describe a nationality. Some think that retaining “Britishness” is incredibly important, and that it is being eroded.

I was born British. My family are mainly English with some Northern Irish connections. I’ve been brought up in England and have been affected with Englishness without realising it all my life.

This is something that many people get confused over – usually the English. Being British does not mean being reserved, or having a “stiff upper lip”. That’s much more being English. The British nations have their own distinguishing marks but there are few generally British ones.

Still, the British way of life holds a particular importance to some people (whatever that is). Often to these people being British is a mark of honour – you’re a cut above the other lot (the un-British). It’s these people that are often the ones against immigration (even of refugees), the EU (for all the wrong reasons) and vote for ridiculous parties like UKIP or (dare I say it?) the Tories.

The British are a funny mix. Ancestrally we’re a mix of Celts, Angles, Saxons, Normans, Scandinavians, Germans and a few other groups. The very foundations of Britishness were in this multicultural mix and now the proponents of Britishness say it is under threat. They’re right – by excluding people of other countries we threaten the nature of being British, and by reacting against the EU we weaken the international influence that has always been with the Brits.

Okay, I’m labouring a point – I’ll move on. I am glad to be British, but not because of some belief in British superiority. As a Brit I’ve grown up speaking English and consider myself lucky to have it as a first language. I have a British passport. (For some reason I’ve always been told British passports are very good at getting you into other countries – maybe people think Brits are unlikely to stay away from home for too long.) I have the good fortune to be in a very rich country. This doesn’t give me any particular love for my nation though: I feel sure that were Britain part of a federal Europe I would have similar things. I like being British because of the opportunities it gives me, and am under no illusions that this is necessarily something Brits have sole claim to. I can’t see that Britain has anything special in itself: I’ve never understood patriotism for anything other than sport.

If the EU came together into a federation of states rather than just a collection of individual countries like at the moment I would have no objection. It is entirely possible to keep British individuality while part of of federal Europe. It would make travelling in Europe so much easier and would get rid of the terrible isolation that the Channel has given our nation.

So, I’m British. This doesn’t mean I’m a patriotic (or even nationalistic) right-wing fanatic. It does not make me racist. It makes me part of a multicultural society with a large minority who dislike its multiculturalness (but will still go down town for a Chinese takeaway). It makes me a European – and even though I think British comedy and rock music can’t be bettered, it does not make me special.

Matthew @ 09:23, March 5, 2005 to ABC | Permalink | Comments (13)

Suffering, rain and jars of clay

Sometimes in life you just want to know something.

I had one of those moments last night as I was walking home from leadership training. Walking home, thinking about almost anything but what I should have been thinking about, I wanted answers and knew I wasn’t going to get them easily.

I went to bed, attempting to distract myself but failing. I got up in the morning and the same thing happened. Then I walked out the door.

As I stepped out onto the pavement and saw the bright, washed street that appears after the rain, my heart lifted. The sun was bright, the leaves were damp and shining and I felt very un-teenage-male-like (as ever at these moments) for appreciating the beauty of it all. It was as if the questions and worries and troubles of just five seconds before were absolutely nothing.

I wrote about this in my old diary, but it struck me again anew. Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering. (Not in a morbid way you understand, more in a theological way.) At leadership training with SAYGO on Monday, we looked at a passage in 2 Timothy 2 that talks about enduring hardships. One of the things that challenged me about it is that my life isn’t particularly full of hardships, yet the Bible says I should expect them. Last night at leadership training with CU leaders, we looked at 2 Corinthians 4 – again, it talks about suffering and hardships.

I guess I realised that in some ways, having all these questions and worries building up inside of me with everything else (A levels especially) on top of them is in some ways a hardship. It’s not being persecuted for what I believe, but it is hard.

When the Bible talks of suffering it talks at the same time of the end result and whom we have to help us through it. Walking out into the bright, clean world (or as clean and bright as you get in the city) this morning reminded me of this.

Matthew @ 14:32, March 4, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (4)

Awareness-raising about local food

What’s the use of reading an article on a reputable news website about something you already know if you can’t use it to tell others? In other words, go have a read of this article on local food and go eat healthier food because of it. Healthier for the environment that is. Yet another thing that conscientious consumers can do to be ethical in their shopping and eating. Local, organic, fair trade food – it’s the future, peeps. If it costs more, just think of what that little bit extra you’re paying is doing for disadvantaged people or the environment. If it’s cheaper, even better! The money’s still helping with something good – you’re supporting those who are doing things to help with our messed up world. Always a good thing.

Matthew @ 17:57, March 3, 2005 to Science/Nature | Permalink | Comments (16)

Year 11->12 Evening

Last week was the annual evening for prospective sixth formers and their parents to talk to subject teachers about their options. This year was slightly different, in that different societies and groups within the sixth form were offered the chance to advertise themselves to the Year Elevens. Surprisingly but encouragingly, the Christian Union was one of the societies asked.

Of course, we’re not just a group of sixth formers and in fact one of the leadership team is a Year Eleven herself. Still, a lot of new students arrive in the sixth form who wouldn’t otherwise hear about it, and there are many current students of younger year groups who don’t go. So I welcomed the opportunity and turned up to make the group known.

In the entire four hours, we had three people come to enquire about the CU. The first two were mother and daughter, about to move to the area and knowing no-one. I told the daughter that the CU would be a perfect place to make friends and get to know people – in fact, I knew of four people, now the best of friends, who met in this way. The other person was the father of a Year Eleven student I knew who didn’t come to the CU. The parents work for an international Christian charity in a kind of missionary or missionary-supporting/training role. I have no idea what the son believes, but his father was keen to have him come along.

I say that we had three people come to enquire about the CU. Perhaps I should add the adverb “seriously” to that statement. There were a couple of guys who would, in between seeing subject teachers, come and ask “amusing” questions.

Lad 1: You say anyone’s welcome to come to Christian Club. What about Hindus?

Me: Well, they’d be welcome to come along, but meetings are primarily aimed at Christians.

Lad 2: Do you like Jews?

Me: Yes. If you think about it, Jesus was a Jew.

Lad 1: Ooh, good answer! Had you there, mate!

Then there were the slightly more serious questions:

Lad 1: Do you believe in hell? Or the devil?

Lad 2: Isn’t a bit arrogant to say non-Christians are going to hell?

It’s quite hard to give a good response to those sort of questions when there’s a group of guys standing just behind the questioners, prodding them, giggling with masculinity (I’m not quite sure how else to describe it) and generally being quite loud and distracting to both you and the people questioning you. Still, I gave it a good shot.

It was amazing to see how glad the sixth form management were to have us there, advertising. Just two years ago we were only allowed to meet because the headteacher had a guilty conscience about “religious” input in assemblies. Now we have posters around the school, advertising in assemblies, a box on the “Lunchtime Activities” list on the South Site and a senior management team who encourage us to get new people along. It’s quite incredible what God’s actually done.

It’s not exactly helping me prepare for opposition in the future though, which I know will come soon enough. Still, it’s not only suffering we can be thankful for.

Matthew @ 13:01, March 2, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)