Suffering, rain and jars of clay
Sometimes in life you just want to know something.
I had one of those moments last night as I was walking home from leadership training. Walking home, thinking about almost anything but what I should have been thinking about, I wanted answers and knew I wasn’t going to get them easily.
I went to bed, attempting to distract myself but failing. I got up in the morning and the same thing happened. Then I walked out the door.
As I stepped out onto the pavement and saw the bright, washed street that appears after the rain, my heart lifted. The sun was bright, the leaves were damp and shining and I felt very un-teenage-male-like (as ever at these moments) for appreciating the beauty of it all. It was as if the questions and worries and troubles of just five seconds before were absolutely nothing.
I wrote about this in my old diary, but it struck me again anew. Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering. (Not in a morbid way you understand, more in a theological way.) At leadership training with SAYGO on Monday, we looked at a passage in 2 Timothy 2 that talks about enduring hardships. One of the things that challenged me about it is that my life isn’t particularly full of hardships, yet the Bible says I should expect them. Last night at leadership training with CU leaders, we looked at 2 Corinthians 4 – again, it talks about suffering and hardships.
I guess I realised that in some ways, having all these questions and worries building up inside of me with everything else (A levels especially) on top of them is in some ways a hardship. It’s not being persecuted for what I believe, but it is hard.
When the Bible talks of suffering it talks at the same time of the end result and whom we have to help us through it. Walking out into the bright, clean world (or as clean and bright as you get in the city) this morning reminded me of this.
Matthew @ 14:32, March 4, 2005 to Diary | Comments (4)
Comments:
Julie B.
Ah, just wait. Age (both yours and your family’s) automatically brings suffering.
Cancer appears to be my family’s speciality. Fun future to look forward to! ;-)
You’ll also look back on this period of uncertainty in your life (What am I going to do with my life? Whom am I going to marry? Where am I going to live?) and see the hardship in retrospect.
Comment added at 00:48, March 10, 2005
Matthew
I guess I’m almost seeing it in retrospect now. The thing that confuses me is, theologically, does the hardship necessarily come from me being a Christian? In a lot of cases it’s actions I’ve carried out when I’ve gone against God that cause the suffering – it seems very rare that obeying him has given me a short-term worse result (obviously it’ll never give a long-term worse result). Maybe I just think too much :)
Comment added at 07:43, March 10, 2005
Rory
When God tests you, it’s not so that God knows what you will do – God knows the outcome already. It’s for yourself to learn from the experience, to evaluate how you handled a hard situation, and whether you passed or failed. Just some thoughts. I would write more but I’d need some stimulus… I’m tired.
Last time I was in Oxford, Matt, I experienced something similar. It was when I emerged from your house, after 13 hours on the internet, and I was walking the 3 miles or so into town. The sun was shining, I was on my own, and I was listening to Lemon Jelly on my MP3 player. It was actually quite surreal, trance-like, and really beautiful. I love it when I’m fully aware and able to appreciate the inherent beauty in everything.
Comment added at 06:11, March 12, 2005
Matthew
Oh, I know it’s to learn from – I’m just impatient and want to know what I’m supposed to be learning. It’s like, “get on with the meat of the lesson, God! I’m listening, and this is too long and drawn out!” Except would I learn everything if I didn’t go through the whole thing? So it’s “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” again. (Ah, Finding Nemo…)
Comment added at 10:55, March 12, 2005
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