My final assembly: part one
We were ushered into the hall – far fewer of us present than expected – for our final assembly ever. The hall was in the process of being prepared for transfer day. Little coloured pieces of card with form group names were lined up along one side of the room, and someone had drawn a little picture of some blueberries on one of them.
Then the assembly started. It was rather different from the talks we’d been given in previous assemblies – a Maths teacher in charge of one of our form groups was giving us a lesson on drinking, involving magic tricks.
He started by getting out a giant beer bottle and drinking from it, managing to down the whole bottle. Suddenly, he held it skywards, and we all gasped as we realised that it was still full to the brim! He then proceeded to break a perfect circular hole in the bottom with his fingers, the beer spilling all over the floor and freezing instantly. The deputy head of sixth form then joined in, by putting on ice skates and started doing traditional Russian dances on the ice (and the empty chairs, the walls, and pretty much everything). The enduring image I will have of him is with both his legs at an 180 degrees angle in mid-air. What a final assembly.
(Yes, I have odd dreams sometimes. I can just imagine Dr R as a Russian dancer though. And don’t ask where the blueberries came from, as I haven’t a clue.)
Matthew @ 12:49, June 4, 2005 to Diary | Comments (5)
Comments:
Mr E
What?
Comment added at 23:03, June 4, 2005
Matthew
What?
Comment added at 15:01, June 5, 2005
Sheepie
What?!
Anyway, I thought you were serious for a minute.
Comment added at 22:01, June 5, 2005
Julie B.
I was reading this thinking that school in the UK is intensely strange. Glad it was a dream.
Comment added at 22:18, June 5, 2005
Matthew
Mm, our assemblies are far too traditional on the whole, and almost exclusively lacking in any content. This was one of those entries that seemed like a good idea at the time (I think the fact that I was still half asleep made it seem so) but hasn’t come out so well…
One of the problems with text-based media is that it’s impossible to convey vocal inflections, so my apologies if my previous comment seems like a direct imitation.
Comment added at 09:41, June 6, 2005
Post a comment:
Most XHTML auto-generated via Markdown. Email addresses are required but will never be displayed. If you have a website (or want to link to someone else's) please enter it in the URL field. Otherwise, leave this blank.
If you have a TypeKey identity, you can sign in to use it here.