Audience of One

At the job centre

Me: Hi, I have an appointment at nine thirty.

Security guard: Okay, can I have your book please?

M: (gets out book given at last meeting).

S: No, that’s not it – your book book. The book. The essential book of all power.

M: (remembers) Oh, that book… I’m not sure I’ve seen it recently. Is it that important?

S: (sighs with exasperation) Yes, it is, that has everything in it.

M: (thinks that the book he has with him must be useless if this is the case) So I can’t see anyone?

S: Oh, sit down, I’ll see what I can do.

Five minutes pass.

Advisor: Mr Weston?

M: Hi, I’m afraid I don’t have my book.

A: Sure you do, the security guard gave it to me. You don’t need anything else.

M: Okay. I’ve got a job by the way so I’d like to come off the Allowance.

A: Oh, why didn’t you say earlier? You don’t need any book if you want to do that!

Government administration sucks. Yesterday, approximately a week after received an Inland Revenue form saying “we know what jobs you’ve had, which is why we’re taxing you”, I received another form saying “we’ve no idea what jobs you’ve had, please let us know or we’ll have to tax you higher than we are already”. Not only should they know I have a job because they managed to send out the first form, if they’re taxing me already then they must realise I have some income coming in – and as everything is taxed at source (in other words, I only get paid the money after tax by my employer) they should know where I’m working and for what wage.

I also have to provide a birth certificate and passport to my employer to prove I’m eligible to work in this country. Seeing as both documents confirm me as a British citixen, this seems like overkill.

Forget civil liberties – if ID cards sort out this mess I’m all for them. However I’d estimate the chances of consigning red tape to the past with anything less than a complete government administrative reform from the ground up at around 100 to 1. Oh, and while they’re there, let’s bring in proportional representation too. This country really needs a fresh start. Come on, Lib Dems – how’s that for a new policy? (The money saved’ll probably allow you to scrap top-up fees and pay for those matching orange bodysuits you know your front bench team would look dashing in.)

Matthew @ 15:44, September 16, 2005 to Diary | Comments (3)