Work perks

The camera shop

From working in this shop, I get incredibly discounted film and processing (very useful for learning photography), I get to work with my colleagues (ditto) and I get discounted cookies at the shop nearby. I also get to borrow stock occasionally (currently in my possesion is a cable release I used last night to help me photograph fireworks).

The library

Free DVD and music rentals, with no limit. I can watch films and listen to music that I wouldn’t have bought or even hired before as I wouldn’t have known if it was worth it (or wouldn’t have been able to afford it). I can now inform the world at large that Garden State is a very good film (though with some adult content), Nirvana’s Nevermind has approximately four tracks worth listening to (in my opinion), Death Cab for Cutie and the Magic Numbers both have great songs (not heard much yet), and I Am The Walrus is a terrible song. Oh, and forget Radiohead for being depressing – try John Dowland.

Currently listening to Which Way To Happy – The Magic Numbers

Matthew @ 18:33, October 29, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (13)

What to do when confronted with a spider

1. Check to see what it looks like. If it looks normal, go to 5. If it looks deadly/foreign/extra hairy or has spots on the back, carry on.
2. If you have found the spider in a photography shop, proceed normally, otherwise go to 5.
3. Take digital camera out of cabinet; slot in memory card; give to the assistant manager so he can photograph the spider.
4. Speculate on what could have happened if the spider is, in fact, poisonous.
5. Kill spider.
6. Print off photos and post online.

Matthew @ 08:05, October 29, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (13)

Children (part three, finally)

In the library the other day, I was behind a young mother with two children in the queue at the video counter. The younger brother was in a pushchair and crying quietly, with potential to get louder. The older brother was restless and was crawling about, seemingly trying to either injure his brother or trip his mother up (though not on purpose). The stressed-out mother was attempting to inquire after some films with the assistant, but was having to look after her kids. So I crouched down, and started to pull funny faces.

It’s very satisfying, getting two kids to be quiet and behave. All I did was grin inanely at the older one, smile normally at the one in the pushchair, and pick up the younger one’s ball and give it back to him (obvious solution, really). The older was entranced, and sat down to watch me. The younger held onto his ball and chuckled.

The mother, having finally finished what she was trying to do, thanked me and left with her now-quiet children. The library assistant said: “You know, we should employ you.” It was quite amusing being able to tell her they already had.

Children are fun. Sure, they can be exhausting, annoying, rude, argumentative and just childish, but they’re still great. Other people’s children this is – it’ll take another decade at least before I might possibly want my own…

Read part one or part two.

Currently listening to Sunday Morning – Maroon 5

Matthew @ 15:37, October 24, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

A week in the camera shop

Monday

No, we don’t develop Polaroid films here; they develop themselves … Of course I’m sure! No, we don’t take them here, they’re fine on their own. Thankyou, sir.

Tuesday

A man came in with a CD full of photos to print off on our in-store machine. They were, almost exclusively, photos of him in various stages of undress. My colleague then had to guillotine them for him afterwards.

Wednesday

I discovered photos meant for Lydia Bennet, and a female customer spent an hour selecting photos of herself in various low-cut tops to be printed – then got bored and left, not ordering anything.

Thursday

In talking to a customer about this camera, I told her “Of course, some people are biased against it because it’s black”. I then realised she was of African origin. (What I’d meant is that black compact cameras scratch easily…)

Friday

No, I don’t like that camera… Yes, I’m sure it has nice features, but it’s got an ugly name.

Hi, is that Oxford? Somehow we’ve sent you a customer’s camera supposed to go to New Oxford Street – I don’t suppose you could ship it out to us for Monday?

Currently listening to Lithium – Nirvana

Matthew @ 13:43, October 24, 2005 to Miscellaneous | Permalink | Comments (2)

Vertigo

A few weeks ago various churches got together and put on a county-wide youth event, which over four hundred people turned up to. (Two hundred were expected.) While the music was somewhat lacking in theology, the talk was excellent and must have been a huge encouragement to all the punters.

So why was I there? Well, Vertigo is the only event for which I’ve ever been the official photographer. Why I was trusted I do not know. Anyway, here are some of the best photos.

Matthew @ 16:24, October 23, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (1)

Wallace and Gromit

I was going to be all critical and cutting, and say how much more critical and cutting the film could have been, and how they’d not been quite a strong satirically as they could have been… but I relented when I realised I was perfectly happy with it how it was. Sure, some of the jokes were a bit beneath me (kids would love it) but as a whole it was a really good film – charming without being sickly.

Er, that’s it. To be honest, there’s not much more to say that hasn’t been said already. The incredibly critical reviewer of the Independent (who hasn’t liked any film I’ve seen and enjoyed in the past two years) gave it five out of five stars. Then again, he’s possibly becoming less critical – Sky High got three (“good”).

Anyway, I enjoyed it a lot. However not quite enough to make me want to see it again quite yet. I’ll give it four stars for now, and when the DVD comes out that may well go up.

Matthew @ 13:54, October 22, 2005 to Reviews | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sagacious advice, number one

Never use your arm to write down your to-do list on if all you have is a permanent marker pen.

Matthew @ 13:40, October 22, 2005 to Advice | Permalink | Comments (8)

Autumn

I’ve decided that autumn is the most beautiful of all seasons. Knowing me, this will change once we hit winter, but (seemingly) for the first time, while driving around Oxford today, I saw the incredible beauty of this time of year. Oh, how I longed for some Velvia 50 and a good SLR…

(Working in a photography shop turns appreciation of nature into something far too technical. Just so you know.)

Matthew @ 10:25, October 21, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sleep

Sleep is good. I haven’t slept enough recently.

Working overtime because your boss quit unexpectedly is okay for a while, but when you’ve planned the rest of your activities as if you were just working part-time you get quite worn down. So, on top of working five days a week, I am:

• working Saturday mornings at the library from next week
• designing a business website, to be complete by Christmas
• following a six hour a week correspondance course in theology
• helping with nine to eleven year olds on Sunday mornings
• attending a weekly discipleship evening doing a Bible overview in ten weeks
• miscellaneous other things on a week-by-week basis (this week has included losing my mobile phone and a day-long youthwork training event; next week includes starting to prepare a five minute talk on the Ten Commandments, sorting out our wireless network and upgrading the blog software)

I’ll attempt to write more this week, but I’m still working overtime. Once I get into a routine I’ll be sorted. (Routine at the moment is impossible.) For now though, I’m off to bed.

Matthew @ 20:38, October 15, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (0)

Children (part two, with possibly a third coming)

Talking of children, I loved Wallace and Gromit as a kid. A review of the new film will come shortly – I’m going to a youthwork training day tomorrow so might not manage the review till after that.

Read part one or go to part three.

Matthew @ 18:38, October 14, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (3)

Realistic plot-lines from Neighbours

1. Susan’s amnesia
2. Darcy’s amnesia
3. Harold’s amnesia
4. Toadie and Connor’s amnesia
5. Every other character’s amnesia

Matthew @ 18:37, October 14, 2005 to Top Five | Permalink | Comments (12)

Children (part one, possibly)

Children. Aren’t they great?

(I’d better leave it at that as I have to go to work.)

Go to part two

Matthew @ 08:08, October 14, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (4)

Things you don't want to hear when you have a bad cold

1. “Sorry, we’re out of paracetamol.”
2. (On a TV show) “Oh no, their blocked nose is stopping them from breathing properly – quick! do a tracheotomy!”
3. “Nope, no ibuprofen either.”
4. “You missed a fantastic party last night.”
5. “Don’t talk rubbish, you’re fine!”

Matthew @ 11:05, October 10, 2005 to Top Five | Permalink | Comments (15)

Bad timing (and a conversation)

I have a few busy days which prevent me from posting a blog entry, but I can see I’ll have the time on Wednesday evening. So what happens on Wednesday? I come down ill.

I’ve taken part in various discussions as to whether men make more complaints about the same level of illness compared to women. I’ve probably been a hypochondriac in the past (and probably still will be in the future) but this was the real thing. I missed one and a half days of work and was in bed for much of the past two days. I get the feeling my mum wouldn’t have believed it was so bad if I hadn’t actually caught it from her so she knew what it was like.

So, bad timing as ever leaves this blog entryless for possibly the longest time yet. To make up for that, here is a conversation with a customer. (Actually, how does that make up for it?)

Customer: I want a battery for this camera, and I want you to check this film to see if it’s out of date.

Me: (while looking for battery slot in camera) When did you buy the film, madam?

C: Two weeks ago.

M: Then it’s not out of date – that takes a lot longer than two weeks.

C: I want you to check it anyway.

M: (checks film for date) It’s perfectly fine, madam.

C: No, it must be out of date. What date does it say on the side?

M: (looks at the date of manufacture) June 2004.

C: See, it’s out of date! I want a new one.

M: It’s not out of date, madam, it’s—

C: Give me a new one.

M: That will be two pounds ninety-ni—

C: I’m not paying for it, insolent man. Your company sold me out of date film two months ago.

M: (thinks that not only does she not have proof of purchase, she’s just changed the date of purchase and has opened the film anyway) I’m sorry, I can’t do tha—

C: Why haven’t you got me a battery yet?

M: I’m sorry, madam, I don’t have experience of this type of camera – I’m not sure where to find it. (The camera is twenty-five years old and the battery compartment has to be unscrewed with a tiny screwdriver.)

C: They shouldn’t employ people without experience. What is the world coming to?

M: We have to gain experience somehow, madam. I’ll just go and ask about this camera.

I discover what needs unscrewing and return with a screwdriver. The screws take some time, prompting more conversation.

C: (on noticing I’m coming down with something). Hmph – and you’re a sniffler too!

I finally get the battery out, and find a replacement.

M: That’s eight ninety-nine, then, please.

C: Put the battery in first.

M: Madam, until you’ve paid for it I can’t do th—

C: Just put it in!

M: *sighs* All right…

C: What was that?!

M: I said all right. Look, I’m putting the battery in.

C: And the film. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll come back and throw the camera at you.

I struggle to put in the film. As the camera is so old the film loading mechanism is slightly different to our current one – but similar enough for me to try and do things as I’ve always done.

C: What’s taking you so long? You can’t even load a film! I can’t believe they employed you!

My line manager comes in at just the right moment, shows me the problem and does it in seconds.

M: That’s eight ninety ni—

C: Take a picture first, I want to make sure that it works.

It works. She pays. She’s about eighty-five, needs to walk with a stick, and has been sitting down throughout our conversation. She then goes to get up, helped by her husband who has been silently standing next to her all the time. Due to where I am there was no way I could have got out from behind the counter to assist her, yet:

C: He won’t even help me get up, the pup.

I dash to the door quickly, to hold it open for her. She walks past, slowly but imperiously, and as she passes I hear:

C: Hmph.

You might not believe it, but that is all true; though I can’t remember the exact phrases she used, the sentiments expressed above were writ large in her speech. The line about throwing the camera at me is verbatim. Amazing.

Matthew @ 12:26, October 8, 2005 to Diary | Permalink | Comments (6)