Audience of One

Bad timing (and a conversation)

I have a few busy days which prevent me from posting a blog entry, but I can see I’ll have the time on Wednesday evening. So what happens on Wednesday? I come down ill.

I’ve taken part in various discussions as to whether men make more complaints about the same level of illness compared to women. I’ve probably been a hypochondriac in the past (and probably still will be in the future) but this was the real thing. I missed one and a half days of work and was in bed for much of the past two days. I get the feeling my mum wouldn’t have believed it was so bad if I hadn’t actually caught it from her so she knew what it was like.

So, bad timing as ever leaves this blog entryless for possibly the longest time yet. To make up for that, here is a conversation with a customer. (Actually, how does that make up for it?)

Customer: I want a battery for this camera, and I want you to check this film to see if it’s out of date.

Me: (while looking for battery slot in camera) When did you buy the film, madam?

C: Two weeks ago.

M: Then it’s not out of date – that takes a lot longer than two weeks.

C: I want you to check it anyway.

M: (checks film for date) It’s perfectly fine, madam.

C: No, it must be out of date. What date does it say on the side?

M: (looks at the date of manufacture) June 2004.

C: See, it’s out of date! I want a new one.

M: It’s not out of date, madam, it’s—

C: Give me a new one.

M: That will be two pounds ninety-ni—

C: I’m not paying for it, insolent man. Your company sold me out of date film two months ago.

M: (thinks that not only does she not have proof of purchase, she’s just changed the date of purchase and has opened the film anyway) I’m sorry, I can’t do tha—

C: Why haven’t you got me a battery yet?

M: I’m sorry, madam, I don’t have experience of this type of camera – I’m not sure where to find it. (The camera is twenty-five years old and the battery compartment has to be unscrewed with a tiny screwdriver.)

C: They shouldn’t employ people without experience. What is the world coming to?

M: We have to gain experience somehow, madam. I’ll just go and ask about this camera.

I discover what needs unscrewing and return with a screwdriver. The screws take some time, prompting more conversation.

C: (on noticing I’m coming down with something). Hmph – and you’re a sniffler too!

I finally get the battery out, and find a replacement.

M: That’s eight ninety-nine, then, please.

C: Put the battery in first.

M: Madam, until you’ve paid for it I can’t do th—

C: Just put it in!

M: *sighs* All right…

C: What was that?!

M: I said all right. Look, I’m putting the battery in.

C: And the film. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll come back and throw the camera at you.

I struggle to put in the film. As the camera is so old the film loading mechanism is slightly different to our current one – but similar enough for me to try and do things as I’ve always done.

C: What’s taking you so long? You can’t even load a film! I can’t believe they employed you!

My line manager comes in at just the right moment, shows me the problem and does it in seconds.

M: That’s eight ninety ni—

C: Take a picture first, I want to make sure that it works.

It works. She pays. She’s about eighty-five, needs to walk with a stick, and has been sitting down throughout our conversation. She then goes to get up, helped by her husband who has been silently standing next to her all the time. Due to where I am there was no way I could have got out from behind the counter to assist her, yet:

C: He won’t even help me get up, the pup.

I dash to the door quickly, to hold it open for her. She walks past, slowly but imperiously, and as she passes I hear:

C: Hmph.

You might not believe it, but that is all true; though I can’t remember the exact phrases she used, the sentiments expressed above were writ large in her speech. The line about throwing the camera at me is verbatim. Amazing.

Matthew @ 12:26, October 8, 2005 to Diary | Comments (6)