Audience of One

Sticking to a decision (part two)

To catch up, read part 1 first.

It’s now almost exactly two years ago that I first decided not to go out with anyone until I’m ready to think about marriage. This is completely antithetical to our culture, but I’ve come to believe that purposeless dating is a distraction from what God really wants me to be doing.

This is a quote from 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 32-35:

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

An interesting perspective, don’t you think? Once married, we are less able to devote our attention to the Lord. Of course by caring for a spouse we are doing what God would have us do, but we are freer to serve him in other ways before we’re married.

Of course, as it wasn’t present in their culture, dating isn’t mentioned. However I feel that this passage is relevant when talking about dating.

Paul talks of two types of people: those married, and those single. Those not married are the ones free to devote their time to the Lord. Now, as a single (or indeed as a Christian), I have to ask myself whether investing time and energy in a dating relationship is serving God or a distraction.

I believe that dating someone now would not be serving God, it would only serve to distract me from what I should be doing: focusing completely on living for God and developing my knowledge of and faith in him. I won’t argue this in this article, but abler and wiser people than me have done it already and in part three I will look more at why I believe dating without purpose is not what God wants for singles.

During the past two years I have seen time and time again that any form of exclusive romantic relationship not focused on marriage would just distract me, consume time I could spend on something far more productive, and would not help in any way to prepare me for marriage. Sure, the intimacy would be great, but pursuing intimacy without pursuing marriage can only lead to frustration. Josh Harris says “the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment” and with that I wholeheartedly agree.

Paul says earlier in the chapter that singleness is a gift from God. These past two years not having to worry about romance or dating have been brilliant. I’m an incredible romantic and have found it hard, but it’s been incredibly fulfilling. I look forward to marriage, of course – but I’m not going to waste the time in between looking for temporary intimacy. Singleness is a gift not just for me but for my future wife, and I strongly believe that I’d be doing her a disservice not to use it.

Matthew @ 15:26, January 9, 2006 to Diary | Comments (7)