Driven to distraction
Having written about my decisions with regards to romance a few days ago, it may come as a surprise to some of you (or then again, maybe not) to read this entry. The problem, of course, with saving romance for marriage is that romance doesn’t go away just because you choose not to pursue it. After all, how would you go about choosing a spouse if you didn’t fall in love from time to time?
I made a hint at this in both previous “Sticking to a decision” articles. Sticking to this decision is hard, namely because I’m not immune to attraction – far from it.
This was particularly evident while driving to church on Sunday. Normally I’m a reasonably safe driver, never speeding, waiting for ages before driving out of a junction even though I probably could have gone about three times. My mind was wandering though, and I almost caused three accidents within thirty seconds. I pulled out of a junction in front of a car, who had to slow slightly. I then tried to change lanes without looking and caused another car to slow dramatically and sound his horn. I then approached the roundabout in the wrong lane as a consequence and had to change into the middle lane on the roundabout half way round. I left the roundabout but forgot to indicate and so a car almost drove into my side.
Why did all this happen? Well, I wasn’t concentrating as I was approaching the junction as I was distracted by the girl I was going to see later. That afternoon, out practising with my dad (who seemed to think I needed practice for some reason), I managed to miss various turnings and was unable to park straight, again because I couldn’t concentrate.
I get hit bad occasionally. I always find it odd talking of these emotions in terms of physical violence, but having “fallen” for many different people in my life, I feel the metaphor an appropriate one.
Still, as I wrote in the first article, “Sacrifice is a major part of love. Silence can be more loving than words. Distance can be more fruitful than intimacy”. I would never ask a girl to go out with me until we were both ready to think about something more than dating. I love my female friends too much for that.
Matthew @ 13:45, January 16, 2006 to Diary | Comments (13)
Comments:
Mr. Egg
That title would’ve made me laugh if the rest of it hadn’t been – well, less funny. Trust you to turn to Coldplay lyrics. Poor Brat. The driving lessons going okay, though?
Comment added at 20:50, January 17, 2006
Matthew
Honestly, I only noticed they were Coldplay lyrics now that you mentioned it. I haven’t listened to that album for months! What’s with the “Mr. Egg” thing?
The driving lessons are alright, I’m almost ready for my test (with a few exceptions, parking and roundabouts namely) but I need to book my theory.
Comment added at 20:57, January 17, 2006
Salmon
Of course you did. Silly me.
The Mr. Egg thing? To be honest, I don’t know. Thought it was appropriately random.
Comment added at 14:49, January 19, 2006
Daniel
Mattchew whats happened to you!
However I find this site fairly amusing so I have no wish for you to change.
Even I once considered signing up to the Jesus Army – however I quickly forgot the idea once the LSD wore off.
Comment added at 15:38, January 19, 2006
Matthew
My apologies to Rory for deleting his excellent comeback to Daniel’s other comment. I prefer to keep that kind of stuff off my site.
Comment added at 18:31, January 19, 2006
Julie B.
On the other hand, you wouldn’t be the first person to end up marrying a person you started dating/courting when you were what, 18? That’s a scary thought, huh?
Comment added at 04:57, January 22, 2006
Matthew
Nineteen, and a married friend at church started dating his now wife when they were seventeen. But there’s such a thing as the right relationship at the wrong time, and I think that this stage of life is the wrong time.
Comment added at 13:06, January 23, 2006
Benjamin
A couple of my friends from university started going out when they were about 16, got engaged at 20, and married at 22 when they left uni… so, so long….!
One of the best times in my life was when I was 16 and decided looking for a girl before I went to unversity was a bad idea, so I made a really strong concerted effort not to “fall” for anyone. It meant I got straight A’s at A levels, hah.
Stick with your views Matthew :)
Comment added at 14:30, January 25, 2006
Matthew
In a book I’m reading the author mentions that long engagements/courtships/periods of dating/whatever have one of two results in terms of sexual temptation: either you’re putting yourself in for a lot more temptation than is necessary (so you’re not exactly fleeing it as you’re supposed to) or, if you’re not tempted, you shouldn’t be marrying that person anyway. If you’re not sexually attracted to them then why are you dating/courting/whatever?
Comment added at 16:10, January 25, 2006
Benjamin
Firstly, what does your book suggest as an alternative?? I’m slightly at a loss as to how you can completely flee sexual temptation and spend time with a prospective wife/fiancée.
Secondly… “long engagements/courtships/periods of dating/whatever” is kind of a big phrase. I would say your statement is true for long engagements – my fiancée and I are getting married as quickly as is reasonably/practicably possible (a little under 8 months from our engagement)… once you are sure you want to marry then why wait? I think the world often sees engagement as another step of commitment, saying “I can see us marrying in the future” – whereas I would say a Christian courtship makes that commitment straight away (certainly that was the case for me & my fiancée).
As for long periods of courtship/dating, not sure if I can be of much help here as my fiancée and I were going out for a little over 8 months before we got engaged, which at least in the world’s eyes isn’t long (though I would say Christian couples have a head start on others in terms of getting to know each other – Christians instantly have so much in common!)… but since then I have found other Christians couples who have recently gotten engaged who have spent even less time than that together – one couple have only been together for 3 months! And I know the bride there – she is certainly of sound mind.
But I will say, we were 90% sure we were going to get married within 4 months or so – the rest was “to make sure”… since I am but one person, I wouldn’t advocate that all successful courtships should last 8 months or less, or that if you’re not 95% sure within 4 months then it’s not going to work… it’s just my experience, not doctrine!
Hope all that was of some help….?! Email me if you want more…
Comment added at 19:19, January 29, 2006
Matthew
What it means is, there’s no point to having a long engagement when you could have a short one. And long periods of dating without moving any further towards marriage are similar. Or something like that. Temptation isn’t a sin, but it can lead to sin, so being tempted when you could do something about it (get married) is a bad idea. That said, I don’t think the author meant people to rush engagement if either person isn’t sure.
Comment added at 11:54, February 3, 2006
Benjamin
OK I see. I was along the right lines then :) Do you agree with “the author” ??
Comment added at 01:36, February 11, 2006
Matthew
More or less. They’re basically saying “if you can’t get married yet, don’t bother thinking about romance, and if you can, then don’t take too long about it!” That’s a bit simplified but you get the idea.
Comment added at 10:05, February 11, 2006
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