Audience of One

A fairy tale

Matthew: Once apon a time in a far away kingdom there lived a king and queen. Their castle was at the top of a hill, and a river flowed past from its source near the castle. One day, the king decided to go for a walk by the river. It was hot, and so the king decided to go for a swim. Little did he know that it was a magic river, and as soon as he entered the water he turned into a fish.

David: The queen, noticing the absense of her husband, decided to go to look for him. Down by the river, she discovered a fish with a crown on its head, who called out –

Matthew: “Darling! I’ve been turned into a fish! The river is magic!” The queen, distraught, decided to join the king as a fish and also went for a sw-

Mum: No no no! She sent for servants to bring the fish up into a pond in the castle courtyard, and advertised far and wide for a wizard to reverse the enchantment. No, wait! A prince to reverse the enchantment, who would then win the hand of the princess!

Matthew: So princes came (Mum: I wonder if in this day and age the queen would have used email?) from far and wide, to laugh at the unfortunate king – for the princess was only five, and they weren’t particularly keen on waiting ten years before they could marry her.

David: Unknown to everyone, the fish was not in fact the king, but an evil killer fish who had eaten the king (who hadn’t really turned into a fish) and stolen his crown. With the princes all assembled, the fish proceeded to eat everyone in sight.

Matthew: Meanwhile, in the nursery upstairs, the princess threw a tantrum because she wanted to get married and couldn’t see why her mother wouldn’t let her for another ten years. Most of the castle died a horrible death – and the fish lived happily ever after.

Mum: You know, when David said he needed a fairy tale for his German homework I was imagining something slightly more… serious?

Matthew @ 15:16, March 12, 2006 to Miscellaneous | Comments (5)