Audience of One

Shopping

Guys, you know that feeling when you’re out shopping in a mall or somewhere, and suddenly you notice that all around you are shops full of women’s clothes and accessories, and there’s not another bloke in sight?

Now add the fact that you have no idea whether any of the shops actually sell men’s clothes as well, so are trying surreptitiously to look round the skirts and blouses (and other more personal items) to see if there are any normal t-shirts lurking at the back.

Now imagine what that’s like when everyone’s staring at you because you’re a foot taller than them and obviously foreign.

Got that picture? Right. If you’re ever in the above situation, here are a few things you can think to yourself to help cope, and some things that really won’t.

• “At least it’s not as bad as confusing the kanji for male and female and walking into the female side of the onsen.”
• “Hmm, that dress looks nice.” (Note: if you find yourself thinking this, run away from that shop. You’ve just come very close to a long and slippery slope downwards.)
• “Those colours would really suit me.” (Note: run faster.)
• “So that’s what oestrogen smells like!”
• “Those t-shirts are uni-sex, right?” (Note: they’re not. Don’t go and pick one up to check. Just take this on trust.)
• “Finally, another man! I think. Reasonably feminine though. But definitely a man, right?” (Note: he’s not, or rather she’s not. Don’t stare at her to check.)
• “At least I’m not married and having to do this every time she has a birthday.” (Note: this may only help for so long. Perhaps you should get used to it now…)

Girls, have you ever thought about how easy you have things while shopping? You can go anywhere. If you’re older than about twenty-five and in the men’s section, people assume you’re buying stuff for your husband – under twenty-five, your boyfriend. Or even for yourself. If you’re a guy in the women’s section… well, let’s not go there.

Matthew @ 13:22, July 13, 2006 to Miscellaneous | Comments (0)