August 29

Physics + maths

Posted at 8:14 PM

The best kind of jokes* are those that only a particular group of people actually understand and find funny.

Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: They can’t. If they know where the socket is they cannot locate the new bulb.

The next joke really tests if you know your physics:

Mrs Schrödinger: Erwin, what have you done with the cat? It looks half dead!

This one made a computer scientist I know crack up so much he practically woke up the girls in the room above us:

You have two cows.

You accidentally measure their velocity.

You have no cows.

The joke told last year as a sermon illustration as to how background knowledge is essential to a true understanding:

Werner Heisenberg is speeding along the motorway when he is pulled over by a policeman. He winds down the window, and the policeman says to him: “Now, sir, do you know how fast you were going back then?” Heisenberg replies: “No, but I can tell you exactly where I was.”

And finally, a maths joke:

x3 is holding a party, and everyone’s there having a great time: √ is there flirting with coshx, tanx is wowing everyone on the dance floor - and there in the corner is ex, looking lonely. x3 wanders over. “Hey man, what’s the matter? Why are you over here by yourself! Integrate!” But ex replies forlornly: “it won’t make any difference…”

Tune in next week for the musicians’ list of in-jokes! (If you have any in-jokes relating to your field of expertise, feel free to post them.)

* These are actually the worst kind of jokes, unless you understand them, so my apologies. If you understand them, you’re as sad as me.

10 Comments

Comments

  1. I understood 1, 2 and 4. I understand where 5 is coming from but I think it takes too much effort to make my brain find it funny,

    Mark on

  2. Come on, there are tons of brilliant maths jokes and you picked one of the worst.

    Let epsilon be less than zero. Now that’s a classic!

    Try www.ams.org/notices/200501/fea-dundes.pdf for starters.

    And just to break from the maths for a second, how many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two. One to replace the bulb and one to hold my penis… I mean my mother… I mean the ladder.

    Mr E on

  3. Your epsilon joke is rubbish! Mine is actually funny.

    Mark: 3 uses the same concept (Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Theorum) as 1 and 4.

    Matthew on

  4. Okay, maybe I didn’t explain myself right. I understand the concept of the joke, I just don’t understand the joke. How is that funny?

    In other wit related news:

    Q: How many youth workers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don’t know. But as long as they don’t do it with a member of the opposite sex in a room with the door shut it doesn’t matter.

    Mark on

  5. I like it :)

    Heisenberg joke clarified. (He’s supposed to be speeding. Forgive my fatal error of mentioning the Autobahn.)

    Matthew on

  6. http://xkcd.com/c45.html

    That comic’s actually full of little gems like this. I’ll leave you to find the rest of them.

    Rory on

  7. You’d be laughing out loud at the epsilon joke if you actually understood it…

    Seriously, that joke about the functions at a party is really not funny.

    Mr E on

  8. I do understand it. It’s still rubbish!

    Matthew on

  9. Q. What did one dipole say to another dipole? A. I think we’re having a moment. That is my favourite joke.

    Helena on

  10. Perhaps you have to have actually done some Analysis to appreciate the epsilon joke.

    One that Helena’s joke reminds me of… Two atoms bump into each other. One says to the other “I think I’ve lost an electron…”. “Are you sure?”. “Yes, I’m positive.”.

    Mr E on