Audience of One

Advice for musicians

Don’t ever volunteer to play a solo piece at a recital evening in three days time when you have a thousand and one other things to do and haven’t actually played the piece in question for a year or so. “I’m sure I’ll pick it up quickly” is a false hope, implanted in your brain by a desire to help out the girl organising the recital who had a pianist cancel at the last minute.

On a similar note, don’t ever volunteer to play a solo piece at a recital evening when you haven’t even thought of something to play. “I’m sure there’s something I can do” is, again, probably a false hope and in fact all the things you can play well (Happy Birthday, I Can See Clearly Now, that song off the Beetle advert) aren’t suitable, especially as they require you to sing, and the rest of the recital evening includes people who are actually singers.

One final thing: don’t ever volunteer to play at a fundraising recital evening when you can’t actually afford to buy a ticket.

Matthew @ 15:07, September 10, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0)

More sagacious advice

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone… in other words, when you have nothing to do all day and none of your friends are around, either due to school, work, holiday, geography or a mixture of the above, you’re tired and just need to relax because you haven’t had a proper holiday for months, and you go to the library to get something new to read, DON’T pick a book half-written in pseudo-Russian slang that is actually a philosophical treatise on the importance of free will, or indeed another book that discusses the absurdity of authority through a war narrative – in other words, two books that propose philosophical concepts that go against Scripture. Philosophy and tiredness don’t mix. (Chemistry and tiredness may well do, but that’s another matter.)

Currently listening to Eels – Going To Your Funeral [Part I]

Matthew @ 11:30, September 8, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Sagacious advice for programmers

When trying to get a particular function to work in your latest program, don’t ever assume that the class you wrote over a year ago is bug-free, especially not if you never actually tested the class until recently.

Matthew @ 09:36, June 17, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sagacious advice, particularly for tall people

When entering a Japanese building you haven’t been to, remember that Japanese people are, on the whole, shorter than you.

Matthew @ 07:10, June 17, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0)

She's got a chicken to ride

When singing Beatles songs, try to use the correct lyrics rather than making up alternative versions, or the new version will go round and round your head for hours.

Matthew @ 17:42, December 10, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sagacious advice, number three

When choosing an evening to listen to a long piece of classical music, don’t choose bonfire night

Matthew @ 20:44, November 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sagacious advice, number two

Having watched a BBC adaptation of a Charles Dickens novel, don’t dwell on the names of the characters. Last night I dreamt of badgers.

Matthew @ 08:00, November 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sagacious advice, number one

Never use your arm to write down your to-do list on if all you have is a permanent marker pen.

Matthew @ 13:40, October 22, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (8)