Audience of One

Things I learnt yesterday

1. When playing Laser Quest with a group of ten year olds and you’re the only adult, they gang up on you.
2. The back door into Border’s requires pushing.
3. When you want to go to bed early, starting to watch TV with your parents at nine thirty doesn’t help.
4. The easiest way to waste a day off is to assume that you’ll find something interesting to do online in just a couple more minutes.
5. Taking self-portrait photos in a tiny bedroom with no remote switch or assistant is more trouble than it’s worth.

Currently listening to Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc.

Matthew @ 18:40, March 4, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (13)

Things I should have done ages ago but didn't

1. Give the library my bank details so I can actually get paid.
2. Change all the “other pages” on this blog so people can find them and they’re actually up to date.
3. Upgrade Movable Type.
4. Email people who have been waiting for weeks for a response,
5. Write a blog entry.

Matthew @ 15:36, December 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ways to lose your job

1. When giving a stack of boxes to a colleague, assume she’s going to hold onto all of them so that when you let go the bottom two fall on her foot.
2. Forget to lock a cabinet leading to the theft of digital cameras.
3. Forget your login card on the day the Area Manager turns up.
4. Drop a three-hundred pound camera while showing it to someone.
5. Drop a two-hundred pound camera belonging to a customer.

Matthew @ 07:47, November 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Realistic plot-lines from Neighbours

1. Susan’s amnesia
2. Darcy’s amnesia
3. Harold’s amnesia
4. Toadie and Connor’s amnesia
5. Every other character’s amnesia

Matthew @ 18:37, October 14, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (12)

Things you don't want to hear when you have a bad cold

1. “Sorry, we’re out of paracetamol.”
2. (On a TV show) “Oh no, their blocked nose is stopping them from breathing properly – quick! do a tracheotomy!”
3. “Nope, no ibuprofen either.”
4. “You missed a fantastic party last night.”
5. “Don’t talk rubbish, you’re fine!”

Matthew @ 11:05, October 10, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (15)

Quotes that just came into my head

• “Who da man? I da man. I always suspected.” – Dr Gregory House
• “I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. ” – Groucho Marx
• “Eagles may soar high, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.” – David Brent
• “It’s like goldy and bronzy, only it’s made of iron.” – Baldrick on irony
• “You’re lucky we’re not in America, or your sense of humour could get us arrested.” – my mum, to me

Matthew @ 11:56, September 9, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (11)

Things not to do on your first day of work

1. Ask your boss for the afternoon off as you have a job interview
2. Turn up late and/or with a hangover
3. Answer all requests with “Aye Aye, Cap’n!”
4. Answer all requests with “Sorry, I’m on my [coffee/lunch/biscuit/toilet/exercise/Sudoku] break, can you come back later?”
5. Turn up wearing a novelty Sesame Street tie

Matthew @ 21:09, August 13, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (10)

Biggest mistakes George Lucas has made

1. Jar Jar Binks
2. The Ewoks
3. The dialogue in the scenes between Anakin and Padme
4. Padme dying of a broken heart
5. Choosing to direct the prequels himself

Matthew @ 15:27, August 12, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (20)